in the year of hudd

week seis

2012-02-12T19:38:00.000-08:00

Quick update today. No time to dilly or dally... I am too busy getting caught up with Dexter season six.

This week was rough. I am having a hard time figuring out my position at my new job. It has taken its toll. I feel like I have lost my focus and have gotten away from what this year is all about. I didn't loose any weight this week, but I am not upset about that. I am however upset that I am not focused on my ultimate goal. I want to live this year without regret. I want to live my healthiest and happiest year yet... 365 days of good health.

Simply put, I need to find that drive again.

As always it's a work in progress...

week 5

2012-02-05T12:55:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time coming, and yes I have been here before, but I finally broke that hundred mark! I lost three pounds this week. It feels good to be past a big mile mark and on my way to the next hundred... I am still somewhat disappointed that the weight is coming off so slow, but down is definitely in the right direction. I had some eating "indiscretions" but I have continued to avoid stopping for fast food or gas station food between jobs which has been a huge victory! I am learning that indulging is necessary, however I need to focus on making those indulgences count. I have gone overboard a few times and I need to reign that in a wee bit. As always its a work in progress.

I have definitely been successful on the home cooked meal front. I have always enjoyed cooking (doing the dishes not so much). I am focusing my cooking skills on making healthy meals. I enjoy challenging myself in making favorite unhealthy meals healthy. This past week I made chicken salad (one of my favorite things). I used hearth healthy pecans, antioxidant rich grapes, and lean protein packing Greek yogurt!It is one of my more proud cooking moments! To make, grill 1 large chicken breast (I used my George... Love my George). Shred cooked chicken and mix with 1T honey mustard, 1T curry paste or roasted red chili paste, 1/2 cup of red grapes (I cut the grapes in half), 1-2 oz of chopped pecans, 1 scallion (chopped), 2 boiled eggs (chopped... I only used one yolk but both whites), and 4-8 oz of 0% plain Greek yogurt (4-8 depending on how creamy you want to make it). Mix well and season with cumin, curry seasoning, paprika, and black pepper. Serve by the forkful or on wheat bread with romaine lettuce! Yummmmm...

This week I am planning on continuing my home cooked meals! I am tackling kale and green lentils! I need to refocus on gym time as well. We had a huge snowstorm this week and I enjoyed a snow day on Friday. That however means I have been unable (and unwilling really) to get my butt to the gym. I have made it a point to pack a gym bag and take it with me to school. Instead of going home first I head straight to the gym. That has helped a lot! Monday and Thursday are going to be rest days. It is too hard to get to the gym after working two jobs, a 13 hour day. Looking forward to continuing to push myself and continue to work towards my running goals.

Good luck to everyone this week. Stay strong!

week four

2012-01-29T09:21:00.000-08:00

This week was a whirl wind! I have been sick with clogged sinuses, fever, and a sore throat. I have fully embraced my new job, and it has been an extremely hard transition (both professionally and personally). I was asked to be in a wedding and my friends and I celebrated various things with gatherings and happy hours every day this week. I definitely had some highs and lows... I am having a difficult time transitioning into my new job. I feel lucky to have found a teaching position, and I know that this experience is vital to eventually move on, however it is not exactly my dream position. Trying to balance a new schedule with my healthy lifestyle, on top of a wicked cold this week has been a tall order. Let's just say I did NOT frequent the gym and I went rogue a few times with meals and snacks. On the bright side, this week, more so than ever, I have felt incredibly lucky to have such wonderful friends. I wish everyone realized just how much I value their love and support. I am not talking support in this weight loss journey. More so general support and thoughtfulness. I have always said that I am good at making and, more importantly, keeping friends. This week I have come to realize just how wonderful that gift is. Friends have kept me sane and uplifted in a week that should have brought me down.

I think that the stress relief and love I have felt this week from spending time with my girls is the reason this week was successful on the scale. When I jumped on the scale this morning and saw a three pound loss from last week, my jaw hit the floor. I am truly shocked to see a loss. Coming off a terrible week three, three pounds is a true success. I am still having a hard time breaking through that hundred mark, but week four has been a turnaround. Right now, even after my self inflicted defeats this week, I feel empowered and ready to continue my journey in week five.

It has been difficult to post this week. With so many things going on, I was barely home. When I was home, all I wanted to do was sleep because I was sick and exhausted. I am going to try to post on Wednesdays as a mid week update and of course on Sundays, weigh in day. Hopefully as summer approaches and adventures abound, I will be thinner, healthier, happier and relishing in action packed vacations and summer time races.

Last week I wrote about my BMR and the realization that I was eating too few calories. Even though I saw a loss on the scale I was not as vigilant with my calories as I should have been. This week my main goal is watching my calories and making sure my meals are as clean as possible. I want to be sure I am making homemade meals and using the healthiest ingredients as possible. This week's goal is to live by "food is fuel!"

Cheers!

week 3 summary

2012-01-22T16:36:00.000-08:00

I gained 2 pounds this week. If that isn't discouraging, I don't know what is. The worst part is I cannot figure out where I went array. I logged my meals and stayed under my calories. I went OUT of my way to get my butt to the gym every night this week except Friday. The only thing I can think is that I had three parties this weekend. I went to an engagement party on Friday, a birthday party on Saturday, and a birthday brunch this morning. I did not go overboard, but I did partake in some snacking. However, I did not have any cake and I did not have any soda or alcohol. It sucks that after a little guacamole and skipping the gym one night of the week I gained 2 pounds.

I am not sure where to go from here. I am extremely discouraged. I feel like my hard work in the gym is not resulting in any loss. I can't figure out how after daily calorie intake of 1300 calories and almost 400 minutes of cardiovascular exercise this week, the scale showed a 2 pound gain instead of a loss.

Week four needs to be a turnaround week for me. Not so much a mental turnaround, but literately a physical turnaround. I need to see some good results to stay motivated. I was just asked to be in another wedding this summer. I can't help but think how much better I will feel in a smaller bridesmaid dress.

This week I am planning on increasing my workouts and eating cleaner meals (even though I really feel like this is exactly what I accomplished over this past week).
Gym: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday
25 minutes elliptical
25 minutes treadmill
15 minutes bike
I am planning on starting to run on the treadmill. I am going to start with 1 minute every 5 minutes and then move to two minutes every 5 minutes, etc.
Meals this week are going to be super clean: eggs, milk, chicken, fruits, and veggies.

Last week I set a goal to loose 6 pounds. That obviously did not happen. This week I am going to set another 6 pound goal to hopefully kick-start February!

I certainly hope I can iron out whatever kinks are causing me problems. The hard thing is figuring out exactly what the kinks are. I really thought I was on a roll, so this week has been a disappointment. Regardless, I am continuing to be steadfast especially with my workouts. When I get done with an hour of cardio, all I can think about is how good 60 minutes was for my health. That after all is the ultimate goal... better health.

Cheers to week four!

monday pictures

2012-01-16T19:48:00.000-08:00

Happy Monday. I have already had an awesome 2 days. I'm showing week 3 who is boss! I have been completely loyal to my goal of 1300 calories and I have been burning approximately 650 calories at the gym each day. I am feeling really good.

Since it's Monday, as promised, I wanted to share some photos. Today I wanted to share photos of some of my meals from week 2. I have very much enjoyed crafting new dishes, and I am looking forward to continue experimenting with new ingredients and making favorite dishes as healthy as possible. Nom nom nom...

Chili Lime Chicken with shredded broccoli and quinoa

Homemade tortilla soup with cilantro and corn tortillas

Jerk Chicken Salad with Avocado and jalapeno

Chicken tacos with homemade taco seasoning

Chicken Veggie Stir Fry

progress week two

2012-01-15T11:22:00.001-08:00

Week two was a lot harder than week one. I definitely feel like my dedication wavered and I fell off my plan a few times. Even after writing my last post, it's difficult to express how I feel. I know I am being hard on myself, but truly I know I am capable of much more.

All was not lost this week however. This morning the scale read 302. I am down 2 pounds from last week and 11 pounds overall. Down 2 is definitely the right direction, so I am still feeling good about the loss. I was reading another blog the other day, and the author mentioned the "Biggest Loser week 2 curse." I laughed and thought back on all of the past contestants. It's true that 9 times out of 10 the contestants have major breakdowns, bouts of tears, or little to no weight loss after week 2. Perhaps week 2 really is the most difficult week. I certainly will be chalking up my week 2 troubles to the curse. I suppose the success of week 2 lies in the ability to put it behind you and show week 3 who is boss.

This week I am going to be changing up my plans a wee bit. I will be religiously counting calories, logging everything I put in my mouth. My snazzy iPhone (aka my favorite purchase of all time) has the MyFitnessPal app which I will be using to log my meals. I am aiming for 1300 - 1500 calories a day. I do not have any weird limits on what I can eat or when I can eat, but I will be eating only Power Foods/ Abs Diet approved foods, (i.e. whole grains, eggs, nuts, veggies, fruits, lean meats, low fat dairy, etc.) with some leeway for salad dressing and a sweet snack here and there.

My goal this week is to hit the gym everyday. I realize that is a steep goal, but I want to get the most out of my gym membership as possible. I am aiming for 60 minutes of cardiovascular exercise and I will be doing strength training on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday. I am sticking with the elliptical, treadmill, spinning bike, and the circuit weights area. This week i want to loose 6 pounds. That too is a tall order, but I am confident I now have the focus to accomplish that goal!

Keep up the good work to all of my blogger buddies. I love reading your blogs and comments. Cheers to week three!

falling off

2012-01-13T20:22:00.000-08:00

I fell off the bandwagon a little bit the past two days. My meals have been clean, but I have not been to the gym in two days and my snacking is getting a little bit out of control. I have been eating lots of salad, veggies, and lean meat, but then I have also been sneaking cookies and pudding. I don't know if I am bored or if there is some kind of specific trigger causing this uncontrollable urge to snack. It is honestly really discouraging. The good thing is that I have not let it get totally out of control. I usually clean it up and keep my meals clean for the rest of the day. In the past I would let a single bad choice ruin my diet for the rest of the day. That's progress peeps.

The worst part of my divergent behavior is the fact that I have not been to the gym in two days. I have no excuse. I even feel lazy and disgusting because I have not done any major sweating in 48 hours. I guess maybe that feeling is a good sign... a sign that my resolve to work out is having a positive effect. I know a lot of people take breaks from the gym and indulge in cookies every once and a while, but for me I want to change my life drastically. I don't want to skip a gym day for "rest." I don't want to indulge in cookies. I want to find the athlete I lost after high school graduation. I want to form good habits that don't involve snacking and being lazy. They say it takes 66 days to form a good habit forever. My journey towards 66 days has only just begun. I need to figure it out and cut it out.

I know to some of you this might seem kinda "cuckoo" to be freaking out this early in the game. It might seem a little bit drastic to be calling a few cookies and two rest days "falling off the bandwagon." For me though, based on my goals, it really is falling off the bandwagon. I think about real athletes and even the contestants on the biggest loser. I think about what they are capable of and how hard they work everyday. I want to find that kind of drive. I have tried and failed to loose weight and change my life too many times already. I want this year to be my year... the year of Hudd. I don't want to just loose 100 pounds and go on my merry way. I want to gain just as much as I loose. I want to run in races, hike mountains, travel, fall in love... Ok so I am getting a little bit sappy. I want this year to be different and awesome. When I think about eating that cookie, I think about the past 27 years of my life. Don't get me wrong... I have had an AWESOME life. But the reason I am blogging is that I want to change my life. That stupid cookie represents a lot more to me than just 100 calories. It represents everything I am trying to change about myself.

A dear friend sent this to me the other day. I was going to save it for a later post, months down the road, but tonight it seems fitting. I really love the words written in this picture and everything they represent to me. This is what I have to stay focused on... this is what I want to do this year. So tomorrow its back to the gym. Bright and early. No excuses.

gym time

2012-01-10T13:58:00.000-08:00

Happy Tuesday! Today is especially happy because I was offered a full time teaching position! Things are looking up :) Friends came out of the woodwork with offers of congratulations. I'm so lucky to have such wonderful friends!

I wanted to share a little bit about my workouts. I am going to try to switch things up every week either by adding something, increasing cardio time, adding repetitions, or taking a fitness class. So many times I have read about people reaching plateaus and giving up. I want to keep my body guessing and continue to push myself a little more every week. I will share my workouts here to keep myself motivated. I would love any ideas, tips, etc. you guys can share!

I have been very consistent with my workouts, but I'll admit I have started slow. Last week I was focused on getting 30 minutes of aerobic exercise every day. I did strength training 4 days, randomly alternating arms and legs. This week I have tried to map out a more consistent plan that includes strength.

25 minutes on the elliptical with 5 minute cool down on the treadmill, Tuesday off.
Tuesday - ABS
Wednesday - Arm circuit
Friday - Leg circuit
Saturday - Arm/ leg circuit

For now I am just using the circuit machines... nothing too fancy. Also, depending on the weather, I am planning on at least one 3 mile walk with my mom and pup.

Sweaty sweaty sweaty.

I just renewed my gym membership for another year. I'm locked in for the rest of the year. Looking forward to it! Bring it on.

my army

2012-01-09T09:15:00.000-08:00

After one successful week of health, fitness, and blogging I have decided to give my blog a little more structure. I am going to try to blog about specific things that are keeping me motivated or are integral in my journey on specific days.

Mondays will be picture days. I love photography and I love taking photos. For any of you who are also facebook friends know that I am chronicling my year with a photo a day. All of my photos will be related to my health adventure.

Without further ado... this week I have been taking pictures of my water bottles who have become much like little siblings. Aka my ARMY! One of my new years resolutions this year is to drink more water! I am aiming for at least 70 ounces a day. To accomplish this I have an army of helpers that I love very much. It might seem silly, but I have a LOT of water bottles. You might be thinking, "why on earth do you need more than one water bottle... maybe two?" Well, I like variety. It honestly makes me happy that I have options. Its excessive, yes, I know. However I don't care, and to tell you the truth I will most definitely have a new bottle by the end of the year.

To accomplish my water intake goals, I fill one of my bottles in the morning with breakfast and refill throughout the day. If I am at home I use a Britta filter that I keep in the fridge. I also have a Britta in my mini fridge at school. I take my bottle everywhere with me. To spice up my water, this week I have been adding lemon. I read an intriguing article about the benefits of citrus fruits, so I decided to start adding a wedge of lemon to my bottles.

Thank you everyone for your support! I love reading your blogs and your comments. Keep up the hard work.

This was a welcome to Boston gift!
Thank you Ferret!

Every time I see that Ouray sticker
I am reminded how lucky I am that
I live in Colorado. I can't wait to get
back up there to climb some 14ers!!

This was a bridesmaid gift. I love
the metal bottles.

This is the oldest and (as you can see)
the most beloved bottle in my army.

... and the grand daddy. My most beloved
bottle. Love my Rockies :)

progress week one

2012-01-08T13:39:00.001-08:00

This morning I weighed myself to check on my progress. I have been going strong with my fitness and clean eating plan, except for a gym break yesterday and a minor cookie problem Friday night. Visually I have not seen any changes in the way my face looks or how my clothes fit. I have felt much more positive and energetic. I'm not sure if this outlook has come about from my healthy eating and exercising or from the fact that I have been so excited about leaving 2011 behind and head steadfastly into 2012. Regardless of the cause, I can say that I have been feeling super positive and assured!

This week was a victory! This morning the scale read 304 lbs. That's a 9 pound loss. I have lost 9 pounds! I did it! Success! To tell you the truth I have lost 9 pounds before. This time, however, it feels like a super powered jump start. The perfect beginning to my year... 2012. I am so close to the elusive 200's! I can't wait to share my progress next week when I see a 200 on the scale rather than a 300.

Good luck to all of my fellow weight loss journey women and men. You guys are inspiring! Please keep sharing your thoughts and successes. Let's keep it up.

i've gone rogue

2012-01-06T21:28:00.000-08:00

Yes. I have gone rogue. I haven't wavered from my healthy living plan, but the 2 Week Turnaround is DEAD. It was too hard creating meals based on the specific food groups outlined in the plan. Instead I am going to continue crafting healthy meals, using my own combination of grain, healthy fats, dairy, lean protein, fruits, and veggies. No more 2 servings of this and 1 serving of this... I need more flexibility in terms of snacks and meals. Some days I might not eat breakfast until 9 am. I can't be stuffing my face again at 10am with a snack. I feel like that is counterproductive. I would rather have a large breakfast and lunch and small dinner. Regardless the Turnaround was not working for my lifestyle. I think its a good realization though. I don't need a turnaround. I have already turned the corner and am sprinting ahead full force! After the original 2 weeks that I had intended to follow the Turnaround, I am going to start counting calories. For now I am focused on getting my butt to the gym everyday and practicing my healthy cooking skills.

I am excited for week one to be over and to share the results with you all!

Ok. This came in the mail yesterday. I opened the package excited to see what was inside (I mean who doesn't LOVE getting a package). There was no packing slip. There was no hint who it was from. All that was in the package was this shirt and a card proclaiming, "someone has made you a shirt from Zazzle!" I was totally weirded out, yet humbly touched that someone would send me an adorable little shirt.

I have since figured out who sent the shirt. There is a long back story that includes rhinos, ferrets, public transportation, and British accents. I won't bore you. I have to say though, it's nice knowing that my friends are supporting me in this journey. I really have wonderful friends.

[Kris & Court, I can't wait to rock my new shirt this summer, while hiking in the Grand Canyon!!] <3

day three

2012-01-04T16:10:00.000-08:00

It's day four of my resolve to loose weight! I am on day three of the 2 Week Turnaround by Prevention. I must say, my hamstrings are throbbing. The strength circuits from the Turnaround are not too intense and they only take about 30 minutes. Considering how sore my legs are though, I am guessing the strength program is working properly. I have avoided today's strength circuit all morning and afternoon. Sore legs equal avoidance apparently. I made a promise to myself though, so after dinner I'll pull out my weights. I have never regretted a workout, but I always regret not working out.

I hit the gym today instead of walking outside. When I pulled up to the rec center, I sat in the parking lot for a good 20 minutes trying to build up the courage to get my butt inside. I'm not sure where the nervous energy was coming from, but it took a while to pull myself together. There is this ridiculous fear I have of other people judging me. I think everyone who has ever been overweight has felt apprehensive of doing something most heavy individuals usually do not do. Once I built up the courage to go inside though, I got a great 30 minute sweat session.

I am definitely feeling stronger in my resolve, especially with meal times. I really enjoy creating healthy meals. As I expressed yesterday though, I am still having difficulty keeping my mind off snacking between meals. I am trying to stay focused, but I find my mind thinking about cookies I know are in the cupboard or the Sonic Drive Thru that is just up the road. I know people say that a little indulgence is fine once in a while, but I am reluctant to give in at all. Looking ahead, even in six months, I would worry about regressing if I decided to indulge. I know I shouldn't be worrying about these things, especially since they are completely hypothetical. All I can do is keep working through. I know seeing results at the end of two weeks will help!

I'm off to create another delicious meal and then, grudgingly, down to pump some iron!

day two

2012-01-03T20:30:00.000-08:00

It's a little ridiculous how addicted I am to food. My clean eating program has only been going on for three days, but my brain and stomach are trying to convince me I am starving. The meals I have been crafting are delicious and filling. That is not the problem. Old habits die hard though. In the past, I would stop at least once a day at a drive through. My bad habit got to the point where I was late to work a few times because I was stopping for fast food. Today while driving in the car, my brain was going haywire. It's amazing how hard it was not to stop. Rewiring my thinking is going to take time and a lot of commitment. Avoiding foods I used to love is taking a lot more will power than I originally anticipated. So far I have avoided temptation. During inventory at work, my boss bought pizza. I came prepared with a yummy salad. As hard as it was at the time to not indulge, I am not missing that pizza now. I have to say each temptation I resist makes me feel a little bit stronger and more confident.

Here are a few meals I have made in the last three days!

Quinoa Chicken Salad

Chicken Sandy with Avocado and CucumberSouthwestern Soup with Chicken and Black Beans

One thing I am really trying to work on is increasing my water intake. On the 2 Week Turnaround, the only beverage allowed is a tall glass of H₂O. No coffee, tea, juice, or soda allowed. That has been hard because if there is one thing I am sure of in this world, it's that I am completely and utterly addicted to diet coke. After reading through the 2 Week Turnaround and with new research everyday preaching how terrible dike coke is for your health, giving it up is the right thing to do. Thus, one of my resolutions this year is giving up diet coke... cold turkey. I have to say, giving up diet coke might be more difficult than loosing 100 pounds. I know that water will help me reach all of my goals though. I keep a Brita Water Filter full of cold water in the fridge. That along with my arsenal of super adorable and handy water bottles, I know that I can kick my diet coke habit and drink more water. I am shooting for at least 70 ounces a day. Again, so far so good. Staying hydrated has really helped keep me feeling strong and less exhausted than usual.

To top off a great second day of clean eats and good health, NBC's The Biggest Loser season 13 began tonight. I am excited to see the contestant transformations and use the show as a motivator. It is really inspiring to see the contestants and hear their stories. I relate to each of them. Watching them transform as I to try to change my life will be exciting and a way to keep myself motivated.

Check out my tabs section at the top of my blog. I've added my bucket list and will be posting my resolutions one by one as I talk about them here in my journal.

phase one

2012-01-02T11:02:00.000-08:00

About 2 years ago I was asked to be in a good friend's wedding. I was so excited to be asked. As the wedding planning began and the gaggle of bridesmaids launched head on into dress shopping mode, I made a mini commitment to myself to loose some weight before the wedding. By the time the rehearsal dinner came around I was 45 pounds lighter and zipped into a gorgeous size 18 dress to celebrate Allyson's big day. I have always been over weight, so my 6 month weight loss extravaganza was a huge victory. After the wedding however, I regressed to my old ways and gained all of my weight back plus a few additional pounds. Its hard thinking about how I let myself down, but at the same time I already know that I can loose the weight. I feel focused again for the first time in 2 years, and I am ready to start again what I failed to finish 2 years ago.

This is me on Christmas. I currently weigh 313 pounds. As you can see I have a long way to go. I am 5 foot 11 inches, so ideally I would like to loose around 150 pounds which would land me right around 165 lbs. I know that I will not be able to necessarily accomplish this in 365 days, however I want it to be heard that my goal weight is 165 lbs. In 2011, I have no qualms promising myself 100 pounds.

As the old cliché goes, every journey starts with one step. I spent a lot of time during the holidays reading blogs, watching reruns of the biggest loser, thinking back to my training as an athlete, and checking out 25 health and fitness books from the local library. I have decided to split my 365 days into phases. A phase could be 1 week or 3 months. Part of my journey this year includes branching out and trying new things, so one phase might be incorporating a yoga class (yikes) or hiking with my pup once a week. I'm not entirely sure what phase 2, 3, 4, etc. will entail quite yet, but I have phase 1 completely mapped out. Phase 1 has been adapted from the 2 Week Turnaround by Prevention. I checked out the complete book from the library and everything that I read made a whole lot of sense.

This program is very simple. The nutrition plan is based on food groups. For example at breakfast you eat 2 grains/ starches, 1 protein, 1 dairy, and 1 fruit. The numbers are based on servings which are completely outlined in the book. The exercise regimen requires only one hour per day, thirty minutes of which are dedicated to strength and the other thirty to aerobic exercise. Within the book, each day is completely broken down with example meal plans and the exact strength circuit to complete.

For me, today is day one of the turnaround. I am planning on following the plan exactly, word for word, for the entire 14 days. I figure its a good way to jump start my journey. The cardio portion of the hour work out will simply be a 30 minute walk, incorporating the cardio circuits as discussed in the book. The only change I will be making is blending the afternoon snack into dinner to have a more balanced and complete meal. There is no counting calories or logging burns from exercise. That makes me somewhat nervous, but I am excited to give the program a try.

I had to say goodbye to the scale for an entire week... the separation anxiety makes me nervous, but I am looking forward to kicking ass and proving it to the scale in 14 days. For now I'm off for a nice walk.

happy new year

2012-01-01T16:36:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to all. I hope everyone enjoyed ringing in 2012 as much as I. I was convinced to spend my last hours of 2011 mingling with Boulder's hipsters at The Museum of Contemporary Art's black and white party. I was insanely excited to celebrate the New Year mostly because I was looking forward to beginning my new journey towards health and fitness. There is something magical about the New Year that exudes promise and hope. On New Years Eve, there is an electricity in the air which gives people confidence that tomorrow brings the ability to remake yourself into anything you want to be. While the tortured artists mingled and made identical nodding gestures as they went around admiring the art on the walls, I was filled with anticipation for everything I have planned in 2012.

Hanging on the walls, among the color blocked graffiti, were two blank panels; one black and one white. Scattered on the floor under the panels were shards of chalk and black construction pencils. On the black panel guests had scrawled regrets from 2011 and on the white were resolutions for 2012. I stood smiling at some of the more clever and crude regrets. It seems that a few party goers regretted midnight trysts with the opposite sex, as "whats her name" and simply "him" were two regrets that were shared. I moved over to the resolutions board and stood, pencil in hand, trying to figure out exactly how to verbalize my 2012 resolutions. It was inspiring looking at all of the other big plans people have drafted for the new year. Eventually I simply wrote, "365 days of good health." Though weight loss is my main goal, there are so many other aspects that play into loosing weight. I want to live every day this year, all 365 of them, doing something good for my health. That might be making a healthy recipe, hiking with my dog, or hitting the gym. I replaced the pencil and stood back to admire the promise I had just made. It felt good.

Before we continued on to the open bar down the road at Absinthe House, where the trendy artists were few and the drunken college kids were many, I sat down with the tarot card reader. Though I am not a religious person, and I think mediums are full of it, I figured having a tarot card reading could be an amusing way to kiss 2011 goodbye. The resident reader mysteriously shut his eyes and shuffled the deck of colorful and intricately designed cards.

"Clear your mind and choose a card from the deck."
I did as he said and grabbed at a card. He delicately flipped my card right-side up to reveal the hanged man. I recoiled a bit looking at the picture of the Old Man and the Sea look-a-like hanging upside down from a tree.
"Yikes!" I said.
"Its not what you think," he assured me.
As he delved into the story of the hanged man, I felt my cheeks begin to flush and my heart pumping quicker than normal.
"The hanged man was hung from the World Tree for nine days to earn the knowledge of the Runes. He represents the search for knowledge much like other myths, however he is the only one who carries out his quest without moving. At least not in the physical sense. The hanged man's true quest is seeking within. The hanged man is a paradox which one must look within to accept and solve. Although the hanged man has been hung in a most uncomfortable and undesirable fashion, he has gained great knowledge. He is totally vulnerable to the world, and in his vulnerability he has found strength. He gives up his old ways of looking at things and finds new ways with new eyes."
"Wow!" That was all I could muster. That was the only emotion I could give. I thought about all the words that had just been used. Vulnerable. Knowledge. Sacrifice. How perfect.
The reader finished with advice on how to proceed now that the card had presented itself. "The Hanged Man urges you to look at things in a new and different way. Know that greater wisdom and happiness is at hand, but only if you are prepared to sacrifice something for that wisdom. Sometimes it is something physical you must be deprived of, but in most cases it is a perspective or a viewpoint that must be left behind. Inevitably, sacrificing something you value will always lead you to something even more valuable."

More than ever I am prepared to sacrifice for wisdom and happiness. Though I already knew this, my 7 and a 1/2 minutes with the tarot reader reminded me that 365 days of good health means sacrifice. I know that I am in for a difficult and year long journey to loose weight. However, knowing that I am prepared to sacrifice what I have now will lead me to something even more valuable gives me strength to begin. I know that the end justifies the means.

my new adventure

2011-12-29T11:47:00.000-08:00

For anyone who has read this blog at any point in the past five years, you know that it has been transformed many times. I have blogged about my life, my teaching escapades, my knowledge of Denver, and my attempts at becoming worldly via travel. I really enjoy blogging, and I think that I have some interesting points of view. Unfortunately I always seem to let myself neglect my blog. I blame my disregard on being busy. We all get busy right? I did have an extremely busy year, however this can not be the only culprit. In previous posts, (which I have since deleted for a fresh start) I talked of being adventurous and the desire to be inspired and dream big. In fact in my last post (which I decided to leave intact), I go on to say...

"I am going to be that 'seize the moment' friend. I am always going to be open for an adventure. I will always keep an open mind. My enthusiasm will never be less than contagious. I am going to live more fully. I will spend time breathing in the air, watching sunsets, gazing at the stars, and enjoying nature's beauty. I will take time for the things I want to do. I want to discover true prosperity, surround myself with love, and never put things off until tomorrow. No more regrets..."

Sounds good right? Exciting! I posted that exactly 362 days ago. One full year. That was my New Years Resolution to myself. I apparently had big plans in 2011. You would think with plans like that I would have had plenty to blog about here. That unfortunately is not the case. I hate to say that I wasted a year because that certainly is not true. In 2011 I finished my post baccalaureate program at Metro State, finished my student teaching, celebrated 7 weddings with friends and loved ones, and spent an insane 3 weeks frolicking about in New England (learning the pros and cons of public transportation). In terms of accomplishing any of those resolutions however, I fell flat. In honor of true divulgence, despite my many happy memories, I had a dark and difficult year. Many days lapsed where I felt totally empty, sad, and depressed. I was not a seize the moment friend. I was not always open for adventure. My enthusiasm deteriorated, and I certainly never felt true prosperity. Though my adventurous spirit is still alive, I can't fully acknowledge or enjoy that spirit because I am unhealthy and overweight.

That was hard to say.

I am overweight and I have been my entire life. This alone is keeping me from attaining the prosperity which I had wished. My inability to "live life more fully," as I had intended on January 1, 2011, is almost solely because of my weight and inactivity. How on Earth am I supposed to hike, bike, and be adventurous as an obese (wow really hard to say) adult?

When I look back on my 2011, I immediately think about how much fun I had in the North East and how special all the weddings were which I attended. However when I read my post from January 1, 2011, I am saddened and disturbed by my lack of dedication to myself. In 362 days I did little to accomplish my resolutions or find better health. That alone extinguishes some of my adventurous spirit. This year, 2012, is my year to reignite that spirit, finally find good health, shed 27 years of unhealthy habits, and loose the weight forever.

In my "about my adventure" sidebar, I previously had written...

"I was blessed with an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and a desire to travel. This journal is the chronicle of my efforts to become a better photographer, a world traveler, a philanthropist, a writer, and a better human being. Going forth. Exploring. Getting inspired. Dreaming big. I want to swim in the sea and drink the wild air."

You will notice that sidebar has since changed. Although I hope to still chronicle my adventure in terms of travel, for 365 days my adventure will be focused on reclaiming my life and health. I know that health and prosperity take more than a year to find and keep. I however am hoping to push myself and see how much growth, weight loss, and rejuvenation I can do in 365 days. I know its a cliché to start a new journey towards weight loss and health on January 1st, but I am a believer in new beginnings and fresh starts. Thus, my new adventure begins on January 1, 2012.

So stay tuned and wish me luck.

cleaning out the attic

2011-01-01T19:36:00.000-08:00

I have been doing a lot of organizing. It may come as a surprise to some, but I do love to organize. Let's just say the container store makes my heart skip a beat. I get really angry sometimes because we have entirely too much crap in our house. I cannot say that the house is messy or dirty, and you are not going to see us on the next episode of Hoarders. However we do have an exorbitant amount of "stuff" and "things," and honestly it is downright suffocating sometimes.

My father and I cleaned out our attic today in hopes of making additional space for boxes of Christmas decorations and millions of rolls of wrapping paper. We found bills in boxes from 1990, sheets from before my parents were married, and enough camping equipment to outfit little Joe's entire boy scout troop.

I sat in the very cold attic looking at everything up there and felt completely suffocated. After a few minutes of despair, I dove in head first and began tossing things down the ladder. As I began digging through boxes, I started asking myself, "why on Earth did we keep this?" I realized, in most cases we just could not part with the item at the point in time where it was deemed useless enough to be moved to the attic. There the "things" have sat for many years, as we held on to their sentimental value or past usefulness. They have collected a lot of dust. You read stories of people finding old documents from the Civil War, unused tickets to Beatles concerts, and millions of dollars worth of stamp collections. My favorite movie EVER, The Goonies, in fact begins with the discovery of a treasure map in an attic. No such luck today. As I filled trash can after trash can full of old crap, I could feel the weight slowly being lifted.

When I finished, I stood triumphantly at the top of the attic steps looking at the organized and now seemingly empty space. All of those material things were just taking up that space. In our world we equate having a lot of material things with success. In many cases material things are absolutely important. Many are in fact useful and they make us feel comfortable and important. Unfortunately as these things pile up, they weigh us down and clutter our lives. I got to thinking about the other clutter in my life, mostly the clutter I am always sorting in my too full brain. Mundane tasks, unimportant information, silly fights with friends, stress from procrastination. It's like a cluttered attic. My day of cleaning has helped me realize just how cluttered my life can be.

As it is the beginning of the new year, It seems like the perfect time to refocus. Self-evaluation can be difficult. Reflecting on the past can be hard. Worse, resolving to accomplish certain things in the new year, always seems like an evil set up for failure. This year however, I am resolving to clean out my attic. I want to clear the clutter from my life. The stress, the overwhelming, the unhealthy habits, even the actual clutter in my car and room... I'm cleaning house. I just turned 26, and I feel so bogged down by the worries and woes. I want to have more time and presence of mind to experience the abundance of life. I am clearing the clutter to focus on what I really want.

I like to say that I "have no regrets." AND, just like everyone else who says that, I know it's a big fat lie. We all live with regrets. Maybe some are bigger or more tragic than others, but there are definitely things I regret. Too many people put things off because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming, or are too rigid to depart from their routine. I am resolving to no longer live life this way. Life has a way of accelerating as each new year comes and goes. Hours in the day disappear and our lists of promises to ourselves only gets longer. I do not want to wake one morning with nothing more to show than a monotonous list of 'I'm going to,' 'I'll let you know,' 'I plan on,' and 'Someday, when things are settled down a bit.'

So here is my resolution to all of you. I am going to be that 'seize the moment' friend. I am always going to be open for an adventure. I will always keep an open mind. My enthusiasm will never be less than contagious. I am going to live more fully. I will spend time breathing in the air, watching sunsets, gazing at the stars, and enjoying nature's beauty. I will take time for the things I want to do. I want to discover true prosperity, surround myself with love, and never put things off until tomorrow. No more regrets...